Farfalla

-Se tu fossi un animale, che animale vorresti essere ?’- Aveva chieso Paolo mentre guardavamo il bel tramonto che colorava il cielo con il suo addio.  C’eravamo seduti sull bacino con i nostri piedi sotto l’acqua.  Paolo piaceva fare passegiate casuale senza ragione.  Questa volta mi aveva portato con lui, gli piaceva sopra tutto andare in spiaggia per liberare la sua mente dallo stress.  Ma io non avevo voglia di parlare.  Il forte mal di testa era tornato.  Non mi lasciava da sola.  Non mi lasciava pensare in pace e godere della sua compagnia.  Paolo lo aveva notato.  Ha messo il suo braccio intorno a me, era sempre cosi’ gentile con me.

-Rispondergli!- me ho detto a me stessa.  -Voglia essere una farfalla.  Vorresti essere una farfalla con me?-  Gli ho chiesto, guardandolo negli suoi profondi occhi marroni.  Quegli occhi che mi facevvi impazire.  In qualche modo lui sempre mi fa arrossire, anche solo guardandomi.  Con una buffa espressione sul suo volto perfettamente simmetrico, ha detto  –Perche’ una farfalla? Non sono animali e non sono virili!!!-  – No non saro’ una farfalla, scegli un’altro animale!- Ma sapevo come convincerlo.  Inclinando la mia testa lateralmente e guardandolo intensamente con occhi tristi, facendo il broncio.  – Pero’ dovessi essere con me sempre.  E io credo che ti piacerebbe volare insieme a me, o mi sbaglio??

– Uggh, non e’ giusto quando mi guardi cosi’. Va bene, saro’ quello che vuoi che io sia- Ha detto, mentre baciava la mia guancia.  Ho ridacchiato, mi sono sentita un po’ meglio.  – Mi piace quando ridi Belen.  Non sai come sei bella quando sei felici.  Voglia sempre farte felice-  e mi bacio’ sulle labbra.

“Il bacio della vita” Ho pensato.  Alcune persone vogliono che i pensieri puo essere sentiti, ma secondo me i pensieri siano pensieri, e per la stessa cosa sono private.  Il sole era tramontato, la luna gigante e gialla cominciava ad aumentare.   –Ma, non hai risposto la mia domanda.  Perche’ una farfalla?-

-Perche una farfalla sembra di volare infinitamente, sbattendo le suoi ali nell’abisso del tempo eterno.- Gli ho detto. Ha sorriso e mi bacio’ ancora una volta.

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Balance above all

I am a girl of many passions, most of which I indulge (or try to at least) on a regular basis, recently,however, I have neglected some of these pass-times.  Why is it so easy to get involved in the daily routine of what we think our lives should be.  Yes, we all have certain responsibilities and/or obligations, but why is it easier to neglect that what makes us happy, than to postpone the things that stress us out?  Personally, I create a huge mental abyss, filled with excuses and limitations, and keep myself from enjoying the little things in life.  Last night I finally made it a point on going to a meeting at Barnes and Noble across from the University I attend. Though it is not so much of a meeting as it is of a gathering filled with Italian people, or like me, people who are just dying to learn and speak the romantically musical tongue.  I was reminded immediately of how happy it makes me to speak the language, or try my very best, being able to practice it and feel the pronunciation. To speak Italian is not just about knowing how to say  “il dolce far niente”, rather, it is all about speaking through facial expressions, and quite importantly, using your hands, conveying every word with passion.  Speaking Italian, just like speaking any other language, is a door through which you experience the culture, you submerge yourself fully into the meaning of what, in this case, being an Italian is.  Last night I was instantly reminded of how much I had missed letting my brain switch to Italian, and how much joy it really brings me.  Another interesting trait  from last night was one woman in particular, though she calls her self a “befana”, the Italian version of the three kings in the Hispanic world, which are the ones that originally brought gifts to the children on January 6th, as oppose to the more Americanized and commercialized version of Santa Clause on December 25th.  To me she was quite inspirational, with some winters towards her experience, she told amazing stories, and gave personal and vivid advice, to which I was glad that I could relate to, and had already discovered on my own, though it was nice to realize where I am headed. Her view of the world, how she expressed herself, and that sparkle of comfort and love of her self, is definitely the key that very few people, are able to find, and that is the key that keeps the soul young.  Sadly, it is mostly women the ones that lack the secret to ever lasting youth, and mainly focus in the physical aspect of it. We all think that aging of the body means aging of our entire being, and that is not necessarily true.  There are so many products and industries dedicated to keeping us young (those dedicated to making women beautiful and/or skinny are with-in a separate category), that we completely neglect the truth, a young and peaceful soul will be reflected in our eyes.  Another reason why perhaps it is women the ones that miss out in the secret, is the pressure society puts on us, and most importantly, the power we give it to affect us.  Being a devoted sister, friend, daughter, mother, wife, student, or even religious person, does not mean that we should leave aside what makes us unique.  By putting ourselves first ( not in a selfish, conceited way, but rather in a spiritual and mental way) might make it easier to fulfill each of those roles in a much calmer manner.  And perhaps prevent stress and wrinkles from creeping in early on, truth be told, we all have that vanity concern, at our own level of course.  Writing is another of the pass-times that I have neglected, but hopefully will be doing a lot more of from now on.  Having writing and Italian under check, I will make an effort to concentrate on dancing, and enjoy the wet precipitation from a cloudy dark day, that is not welcomed by many.
If we find something that fills us with joy, why make up excuses to keep it at bay?  Are we scared of being happy, or is it just that we get so consumed in our daily routines that we forget what it is like to enjoy the little things? It appears so, since we need constant reminders, movies, poems, songs; and for some, even self help books.  Why look on the outside, when in truth, all the answers are found with in?  Turns out that just in the middle is the best place to be.  The balance between what you have to do, and doing what makes you happy.  That to me, is the key to being forever young, in mind and soul, the body will wither with time, but the soul can live for ever, given that energy is neither created nor destroy, but rather transformed.  Not striving for perfection, instead, accepting those little imperfections that makes us unique, and of course, a little of ” I don’t give a rats ass what people think” to keep us from recruiting back into the lifeless shell of protection we tend to put up…