Calor y Lujuría

Tu raztro en mi cama…

El calor del amor y la lujuria

Resonan en mi alma…

 El olor de tu piel impreganado en el aire

Tus caricias todavía en mi piel…

Tus besos dejarono su eco en mis labio

Con el llegar del alba…

Me doy cuenta que ya no te tengo…

 Y que quizas nunca te tuve…

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Study break and “challenge accepted”

I greeted Monday morning with a knot in my stomach, which inhibited me from having breakfast, and a great deal of nervousness; since it was my very first day teaching at a University…. All of the sudden, I blinked and somehow I find myself deep in the library (in a corner I have made my own) surrounded by books, papers, articles, some food (I decided to treat myself to a proper lunch today)… Oh the struggle of the economically challenged grad-student, perhaps a blog of it’s own; some day….
Where did the week go, another Monday is luring not too far away and I am not even half way done with all the assignments that are soon due…. Despite these little obstacles, such as not being able to properly eat throughout the day (due to a lack of funds and time, time being the least negotiable one), I am enjoying this new adventure that took place at the last few years of my twenties; approaching 30 is another issue of it’s own…
While I read and took notes on different topics, I decided to take a short break and go through some of my favorite reads, on this particular occasion I came across a challenge by http://aopinionatedman.com/2015/08/19/a-challenge-to-my-readers/, whom got the original challenge from http://kasimskorner.com/; where we are prompted to kindle sympathy towards a man that kills his own brother…

Usually, when we think of an act of doing away with another individual’s life, particularly among siblings, it is seen as a horrific act of cruelty and inhumane nature, of course, 99.9% of the time it is… At times and on rare occasions, however, it could be perceived as an act of kindness, not any less horrific but perhaps somewhat more humane…

-I’m fed up with this bullshit- said Sebastian, for the hundredth time, as the nurse checked his IV bag.  –Watch what you say around your brother- his step-mother reminded him.  Gabriel, Sebastian’s half brother, was only six years old when his hero fell severely ill with something non of the adults could properly explain to him, all he knew was what he could see; his favorite person in the world was in a lot of pain strapped to a big and loud machine that scared him a bit.  He didn’t want Sebastian to know that he was afraid of the machine, he wanted to be brave like his brother.
Despite the ill affection that Sebastian had towards his step-mother, he loved Gabriel dearly and he tried to stay strong for him; he had been enduring his condition for almost a year…
-How are you doing big guy??-  Sebastian asked his young admirer.  -I’m fed up with school, but Miss Mitchel said it was ok for me to be here with you, after mom talked to her so I could be with you-.   He said this as he handed him a small frame he had made in art class using shell-noodles, it contained a picture of the two of them at a soccer game; Gabriel was on Sebastian’s shoulders.
Sebastian was speechless, he could take the pain as long as he had his “big guy” with him. The sickness, however, was slowly eating away his good humor, due to the pain that he could hardly resist; but Gabriel made the days more bearable.
As the afternoon went by, it was time for Gabriel to go home and for Sebastian to get some rest; while the adults were talking, Gabriel decided to sneak back in the room with the big-loud-scary-machine. He always wondered how his brother could rest with so much noise, to his surprise his brother wasn’t sleeping he was on the phone with someone…
“It’s probably Lily, his girlfriend” he thought, as the conversation went on; before he left the room he herd his brother say, -I wish someone would just pull the plug, you know?- he had a weak voice and gave a low snicker; while gasping for air…
Gabriel left the room to give his brother some privacy, he was sure he was talking with Lily, who else would it be. Gabriel knew that Sebastian cared for her a lot, he was always talking about her and before the illness, Sebastian and Lily would lock themselves up in Sebastian’s room for hours to do homework together. That was another reason why Gabriel tried to do well in school, so that someday, when he was 17 like his brother, he could study for long hours in his room; with a girl as pretty as Lily… “Of course he wants someone to pull the plug, that machine is too loud”  Gabriel thought… He wanted to help his brother so he decided to go back in side. As he  opened the door of the room slightly, to see if Sebastian was still on the phone, he saw that Sebastian was finally sleeping and breathing with difficulty… Ever so quietly, he went around the bed, conquering his fear of the big machine and pulled the plug… “There, now you should be able to sleep better” he thought… After a short period of time, a nurse rushed into the room to see why the sign had gone off for room 313, she found Gabriel by his brother’s bed shaking him because he had stopped breathing.. Soon Gabriel’s mom (whom had been looking for him in the bathroom) and dad walked in, both of them in shock; they soon understood what had happened…
A door opened in a small coffee shop, with it came in a cold breeze and Gabriel was brought back from this painful reverie, 20 years had passed since that evening at the hospital. Despite people explaining to him that what he had done wasn’t murder, but rather an accident, Gabriel had a difficult time accepting that as truth.
“I killed my brother”, Gabriel thought, as he sipped his espresso. “I hope you are sleeping well Sebastian, I miss talking to you and I miss our camping nights in the back yard.”

In between classes & teaching

First day of teaching a full class to college students, turns out it wasn’t as bad as I figured it would be…
I spent most of my night having nightmares about tripping and/or falling in-front of the students (which sort of happened on my second class, but I’m proud to say it wasn’t my fault, there was an evil skateboard waiting for me), through out my dream, somehow, I ended up taking a test that I didn’t get to finish…. I suppose I’m nervous about grad-school too…

So far I have over 20 readings for a single class, I haven’t gotten the other syllabi just yet, but needless to say that I am, for lack of a better word, freaking the fuck out… My main concern is that anything below an 85% is failing, no pressure… Breath, you will be fine…
Important things to keep in mind:

  1. TIME MANAGEMENT- One must know how to distribute the workload throughout the time that one doesn’t spend working…
  2. BREATH, blog (when possible), and Work out- those are my main outlets, let’s try to keep our grown up mask on for longer than a few hours…
  3. OUTFIT- I would have never thought about it (and yes, I am aware that the first impression is important), but how you dress may or may not give you some sort of authority…. The only problem now, is that I only own a pair of dress pants and fancy blouses…
    Florida is not very forgiving when it comes to dressing nicely, as soon as you step outside you get frizzy and stick to everything, it’s a challenge to look decent, let alone professional…

I have extended my time…. Back to being a responsible adult/grad-student/TA…

A thank you blog (and probably the last full length blog)

Come this Monday I will be a full-time grad-student/ teaching-assistant, and my days of random-careless-lengthy blogging will be limited to one blog a month, or perhaps less (I must do my best to continue blogging); I’m trying not to be overwhelmed by everything I have to prepare for the classes that I’m teaching as well as the classes that I’m taking…
I’m sitting in my room with my best companions (Rambo & Drogo), surrounded by all the textbooks I had to get for this term and the notes I have already started taking, when I remembered that a few days ago one of my new neighbors and one of my favorite reads https://wordscoffeeandlacedresses.wordpress.com/ had nominated me to the Brotherhood of the World Award… I cannot begging to express my surprise and gratitude to have been nominated, thank you so much lovely, I am truly honored!!!
Now to complete the nomination and spread the writing-love! As I did some research on what this award is I came across five steps that must be completed so, without further delay, here they are:

Award step 1) Acknowledge the nomination, in other words, say thank; which I did above…

Award step 2) Display of badge of Brotherhood of the World… I like it’s bright-book-colors 🙂
brotherhood-awardAward step 3) Answer a short questionnaire provided by the fellow blogger that nominated you…

  • Where do you do most of your writing and does it help to keep you focused? I write where ever I can, usually it requires a nice relaxing environment at a café, or something similar.  Writing to me is not a matter of being focused, rather it’s an outlet.  As long as I am comfortable and I can get passed the first “hurtle” of “how should I start”, my writing takes a life of it’s own and it shapes up to whatever comes out..
  • Do you play music or prefer silence when writing? Life without music, to me, is analogous to a canvas without painting (as corny as it sounds), so yes, I often listen to music.  My preferences depend on the activity I’m doing, for writing and studying,  I usually listen to indie classical music, Phillip Glass, anything instrumental without lyrics…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtQpSGyPCBE  Mad Rush by Phillip Glass (one of my favorites)
  • How has blogging benefited you, in terms of personal growth? The mind, just like any muscle, can be strengthened if used… When I blog, I view reality in a different way, time is frozen within my thoughts and I am able to analyze them better; by doing so, I am able to understand my self better…
  • What is your favorite book? I wouldn’t say I have one favorite book, I like reading too much to limit my taste to a specific genre, let alone a single book… But if I had to choose one, I would say Como Agua para Chocolate (Like water for Chocolate) by Laura Esquivel.  It was the first book that I read as a teenager (I’ve been reading since I was five) and it completely reeled me into the literary world; it’s more of a sentimental choice, I suppose…
  • What do you do, when you need to de-stress? Jajajajaja, well I enjoy blogging for one (I have mentioned this often, I feel like a broken record), but when writing doesn’t cut it, I like to go for a jog, or the gym…. Spending time with my doggies makes me immensely happy.

Award step 4) Nominate fellow bloggers 🙂

Award step 5) Create a questionnaire for your nominees

  1. What prompted you to start blogging?
  2. We all have different purposes for our blogs, how did you find yours?
  3. What country would you travel to, why?
  4. What helps you get inspired to write?
  5. What other hobbies do you have? 

Thank you once again for the nomination 🙂
As my last words for this blog, I say my goodbyes to my fellow bloggers (a dramatic end), as a full time student I won’t have as much time to blog… I will try to keep my mind stable and my thoughts organized…and over all I will try not to lose my shit….
Until my next blog 🙂

Compilation of assignments Day 2-6 (struggling to catch up)

I wasn’t sure, once again, on whether or not to blog on these assignments, as the constant procrastinator that I am, I always push my writing aside because, well, life gets in the way (or at least, that’s what I tell myself) and I forget to make time for my writing…

The last few assignments were easy guidelines to follow, I was able to freshen-up my “about” section, I organize my ideas better, I identified my audience, I polish the use of widgets;  and I have finally customized my page to a somewhat more professional face.  I’m quite happy with my  theme, it’s something I can enjoy for a while; I know I’ll end up changing it at some point, that’s just something I do.. The best part of it is that I feel more connected to my blog, as if my “pensieve” can depict my mind in a slightly more accurate manner
I must admit that learning how to use widgets was, perhaps, the most difficult one of the assignments; simply because this time I couldn’t (or rather I wasn’t supposed to) skip all the instructions (rather simple) on what they are used for and how to add them… I don’t quite see the point to them, but I assume I’ll find out as I familiarize myself more with word-press; I’m sure that’s something I shouldn’t have shared publicly, but as I explained on my (recently modified) “about” page, I’m extremely honest…

I chose the Love Craft theme because it’s layout was a perfect match to how I pictured my mind would be in physical form, if that could ever happen.. (just like a cherry blossom, intricate, delicately simple and elegant); I’m also partly (if not just psychoanalytically) claustrophobic, so too crowded scenarios, 2D or otherwise, don’t allow me to concentrate, I keep the minimum number of widgets so as to keep my blog spacey and clean, the colors are warm and add to the simplicity factor…  A beautiful sunset in a chilly autumn evening decorates my header, I chose it because Colorado is my “move-to-state”; over all, I am rather content with my new blog. 🙂

Day one and four days late (I’ve heard that late is better than never)

I signed up for the blogging 101 class way before it started, this first assignment was meant to be published a few days ago, the exercise is for us to introduce ourselves to the blogging world…
Greetings fellow bloggers, the first thing I would say about my self is that I’m a passionate woman, an eternal procrastinator, and a decade old immigrant…
I don’t necessarily consider being a procrastinator a negative trait (not completely, at least), it’s all about timing (that’s my excuse), writing to me is an extension of my erratic soul, my blog has become my “pensieve” (for lack of a better word); and as I always mention, it is my way of “exorcising my demons “.
But why blog publicly, in all honesty, I only publish publicly the blogs that I don’t consider too personal, any random thought that may cross my mind and I want to perpetuate it in time (or rather, in the cloud); I blog because I love writing (despite my lack of experience and my challenge in the English language), I blog because it makes me happy and I consider it to be practice, since I aspire to become a writer (among many other things).   I have tried to keep a personal journal, but as the lazy Hispanic that I am (yes, it’s a very common stereotype), it seemed easier to type, plus you don’t have the empty pages to remind you that you’re slacking.
I don’t expect anyone to connect to my blog (though if I had avid and experienced writers give me input or pointers, that would be amazing!!!)  I would, however, like for my readers to enjoy reading my blogs as much as I enjoy writing them.
If I push my self to blog (not because it’s tedious , rather because I procrastinate) through out the year, I would hopefully, have published my short stories/book ideas that; it would be another check on my bucket list. 🙂